Today is the national day of Forced Hand Romance! For nearly 200 years, pretty much since the invention of the stamp, people have been exchanging mass produced cards and chocolates, all in the name of love.
And also in pettiness.
Victorian trolls would anonymously send these fun hate cards called Vinegar Valentines to people they disliked, because people have always been awful.
Naturally, for as long as there have been days devoted to loving couples, there have been single people resenting it.
Yet single or coupled, I was never into Valentine’s Day, preferring that romance be spontaneous and genuine. However, lots of people aren’t wired for romance so having an assigned day for it is, for many ladies, the only day they will ever get flowers and heart shaped things, so I get why this day got so huge.
Husband-Face and I celebrate Discount Candy Day, which is of course Feb. 15th. This is the better day to make dinner reservations or do any date night things without having to deal with a crowd.
As we all know, the oldest possible predecessor to Valentine’s Day, Lupercalia, was likely held on Feb.15, so we could say we are celebrating that- only without all of the ritual sacrifice and….well, all of the rest of it. I know, I know, kids have made us sooo boring!
But if we skip the forced couplings and entrail whippings of ancient Rome, how then do we keep the magic going? We’ve been together for ten years, almost all of them spent married with children so sometimes I’ve had to get creative.
Here’s a few of my own tips for keeping things exciting in a long term relationship:
*Occasionally, switch to a Transatlantic accent. Do it for as long as you can. Do it for days. Never explain yourself and if he asks why you are talking like this, deny knowing what he’s on about.
*Don a mask before he gets home late at night. Not a sexy mask. A bird mask. A horse mask. A realistic baby head.
*Sending sexy pictures has become popular in the last decade, but I’m not a fan of having pictures of my naked bits floating around out there on The Cloud, so I compromise and take triple filtered photos of various skin folds. I call this series Erogenous Gap Zones. I’ll text one to him while he’s at work with no explanation. Responses have been mixed.
*In a similar vein- send a sexy video to really let him know that you know what he likes and that you are IT.
I know every relationship is different, but if these tips don’t liven up the romance for you then it can only be because you’re doing them wrong.
