If I seem bitter when I speak of my husband cheating on me, it is because I very much am.
And given, you know, everything, I think I’m well within the acceptable window where I’m allowed to be bitter over what has been done. After all, it has only been seven months since I found out that my husband was cheating on me and I don’t know who needs to be reminded of this: But my husband cheated on me.
And he didn’t do so on some technicality. I know that he is trying to sell the narrative that his relationship with Amanda Mullen came “later”, after our relationship was done, presumably. Only the problem with this is his omitting the fact that not only was I still very much married and committed to this man, but I had no clue that he was so unhappy with our relationship when the only thing he ever mentioned making him unhappy at all were endless work related issues.
My husband cheated on me.
He had told me (after) that in his mind, our marriage was over. It seemed he convinced himself that his feelings alone made our marriage somehow invalid. So I guess that since, in his mind, he was single, he was then free to do whatever and whoever he liked. So he did. Meanwhile, outside of his mind where the rest of us live , I was happily married and my children were enjoying their trauma- free happy home.
My husband cheated on me.
He cheated on me and then walked out on his family, giving us no hope of reconciliation because he had, in his mind, already decided to be with someone else. There was not some sort of special little flower of a circumstance that makes what he did even remotely justifiable. I am talking about a man who not only cheated on every girlfriend, but now also every wife he’s ever had. Obviously some part of him has always thought that it’s his right to treat women this way.
This was not that there were other problems in our relationship that I chose to ignore the second I found out about there being another woman. My husband did not leave a sad marriage that was crumbling apart and he did not leave to spare our children having to see their parents fighting and miserable all of the time, none of that was the case at all.
He was having an affair.
For months.
And still kissing me goodnight every night, telling me that he loved me every single day, telling his children that he loved them – all the while doing what he was doing and knowing what he was about to do. It seems his affair had reminded him that there were more exciting things for him than the routine and responsibilities being a husband and father and he wrapped himself up in the fantasy of who he could be if he were with someone younger and free from those boring sorts of obligations.
And it was a fucking brutal, selfish thing to do. Make no mistake on this: the only person who benefited from his walking out on us, was him. It wasn’t me and certainly wasn’t our children.
His relationship with Amanda Mullen was NOT something that happened after our relationship was done, it was something that he did to us. To me. It’s something he did to our family. And no, he did not do it completely alone. Credit where credit is fucking due: He did it with Amanda Mullen, the 34 year old hostess from the restaurant he managed who knew exactly, exactly what she was doing.
Let me say it again for anyone in the back: At no time during our marriage did he try to talk though anything or even tell me of there being anything that needed to be talked through. He did not hint that he was even unhappy with me- with us. There was no discussion at all of our marriage being in danger. None. Ever.
There was stress from work damn near constantly over the last three years and there was a bored exhaustion about him when he was home often in those last months; but I didn’t think that a lull in our sex life, after twelve years and two young children, meant that he was going for it elsewhere, nor did I believe the old adage about” once a cheater always a cheater”.
I thought I was in an emotionally mature, committed relationship with a man with a good, strong character who was as devoted to our life and family we had together as I was. There, the fault was mine- that I didn’t think to ever seriously doubt any of this. I trusted him.
He used a mask of mourning to more easily carry out his affair. When I would check in with him, he would lie. When he would say he wanted to be alone, he was actually sitting outside video chatting with that lowlife hostess. I can only imagine what she might have been wearing in those chats to cheer him through his grief.
He would lie about having to go into work more, leaving earlier and coming back later, so he could see her. And I didn’t question it. I trusted him.
Apparently his only way of finally telling me that he was unhappy was to just leave out of nowhere one night, dropping seemingly random issues as his reasons why- issues not even fatal to a marriage when you talk them through, issues that he seemed to think of only as an afterthought on his way out the door to justify what he astoundingly thought was a perfectly acceptable act. Lying through his teeth the whole time.
And I trusted him.
I mention this, all of it, because he has told me that no one cares that he’s still with the woman he cheated on his wife with and left his children for. He seems to think thinks that’s all perfectly acceptable, and that everyone should therefore be accepting of it. That they are just a fine new couple.
I think he rather glosses over the fact that their gross relationship was founded on the betrayal of his wife and built on the ruins of our family when he’s bragging his awesome new girlfriend and already introducing her to his side of the family.
And for her part, he tried to tell me once that Amanda Mullen just “felt awful” about her role in all of this, but as she was still with him,she obviously didn’t feel bad enough. Neither of them did. And now she’s on social media bragging about how “amazing” and “beautiful” her year has been- the year she began fucking my husband away from his family. She even says this year has been the first in memory where she “hasn’t cried”.
Why, that doesn’t sound even a wee bit remorseful to me. That sounds like a woman who got exactly what she wanted instead of what she deserves.
There are reasons for my anger and bitterness that will not recede. Every memory is tainted and painful now, especially this time of year. It’s not only because of the holidays, but because I know what he was doing behind my back while these memories were being made. All of these once happy memories are a lie.
Anyone that supports my husband’s relationship with the woman he cheated on me with and stepped over our family for is no friend of mine. To support them is to support what they did to me, to these girls. What they did is unforgivable.
No fine or decent couple comes from betrayal this vile.
He says now (after I started blogging about what he did to me) that I just “should have known” he was miserable. Look, I know that you can’t judge someone’s life by facebook alone, but I was there and this was his actual self. This was yet another nice, sweet outing as a slightly goofy, loving family. He seemed just as happy at at home too, and yet I “should have known.” Goddamn my lack of psychic powers I guess.
Side note- this year he had been saying he might, for the first time ever, work on Christmas day. The only holiday we always celebrated as a family. I was not happy and couldn’t believe that his boss, knowing Mark had kids at home, was going to force him to open and work on that day. Understandably, now I suspect that he was just trying to get out of spending Christmas at home. I imagine Amanda Mullen was disappointed to not get to meet up for a secret Christmas cocktail with him after work. Stupid family obligations right? Well, at least they don’t have to worry about those anymore.
The real reason (thanks google!) he didn’t text back was he had a busy night! He got out of work early and he and Amanda Mullen headed to the Ace Hotel for a couple of hours, then to a Garden District bar until after 1am. Then back to her place. Money was tight, but hey – Amanda Mullen was worth it.
He was mixing lies in with truth here. It’s what men like him do. He had gotten out early again! After stopping at Walgreens, hopefully for condoms, he headed over to Amanda Mullen’s. For 7 hours. So he did take a nap, just not where he was supposed to be staying. Or alone.
He never bought the air mattress back home. I’d reminded him a couple of times, not that we needed it but because the rat and roach situation being what it was in the Quarter, leaving it sit in an unoccupied apartment didn’t seem wise. But I hadn’t given him a sheet for it and I’m pretty sure now that when he and Amanda Mullen explored their feelings for each other on that air mattress (class) their “feelings” left some stains. I’d also bet that keeping the mattress so close by made for a more comfy, convenient place to sneak around and fuck then the back of his new Jeep (pure class)
Addendum:
We never really were big into Valentine’s Day. We did Discount Candy and Chocolate Day on the 15th. But Amanda Mullen is a girl you want to impress, so my husband made special plans for his new fancy homewrecker. Now, I will tell you that out of everything in his location history I later confronted him on, this is the only one he fiercely denies. He insists insists that he has never been to the Ritz Carlton in his life, in his life(!)
Money was tight.
But on Feb13th at nearly 11pm (to check in ?), his phone was at the Ritz. It was there again at just after midnight (to drop something off at the room?), before his phone then drove all the way back to Amanda Mullen’s house to pick her up (he doesn’t deny this part), then it was back at the Ritz at nearly 1am. His phone swung by the Upper Quarter bar for about a half hour for a drink (he also doesn’t deny this bit) and then went back to the Ritz, where his phone stayed for THREE HOURS(never in his life!) , from 1:30-4:30am. He didn’t come home until after 5 in the morning.
But maybe, despite being so accurate about everything else, his google location history was off just this night. Perhaps they were just someplace right next to the Ritz for three hours. An alley, perhaps?
Such a good man. Such a good husband.
Such a fine couple.
