I still remember Violet’s first curse word.
She was two and had spent several minutes trying to maneuver her Sit ‘N Spin to her room by herself. Unfortunately, she had held it by the red, detachable circle part and just as she finally reached her room, the heavier bottom part fell to the floor, leaving her still holding the red plastic circle like a steering wheel which she promptly spiked to the floor yelling a crystal clear “FUCK!“
Mark and I just about fell to the floor laughing in the next room. We quickly composed ourselves and helped put the toy back together. We did not mention anything to her about the word and honestly, we were both a little impressed that she had used it so correctly.
Then weeks later, she dropped her sippy cup of milk.
She gasped, “Oh noooo! Oh no…….FUCK! Well. OH NO!”
She shrugged and picked it up and went about her way.
I said nothing. My Reverse Labyrinth Magic Theory is that toddlers are actually goblins in human skin and still haven’t completely shed their goblin ways, hence their penchant for causing chaos, inciting madness, and their unquenchable thirst for any sort of attention.
They are still learning our human language and don’t know what words will get a reaction, so if you give them one, better get used to hearing the word that caused it.
One evening, in what had to be some sort of test, she walked up to me and absent mindedly began singing:
“Fuck fuck fuuuck
fuckfuckfuckfuck fuuuuuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck
FUUUUUUUCK.”
I was trying not to react, but I was dying. I covered my mouth so she wouldn’t see the smile though my whole body shook from the suppressed laughter. Tears sat in my eyes. I couldn’t look away because to her, she was was just singing me a song. To her, “fuck” was just a fun new sound. When it was done she just smiled and went back to playing.
Our non- acknowledgement must have worked. I don’t remember ever hearing the word from her again.
I’m going to note that I don’t generally swear often, or at least I didn’t at the time (you swear more with the second child, it’s science). Except when I play video games. Combat games are the worst instigators and a new Soul Calibur had just come out, plus I was also working my way through being murdered a bunch on one of the Silent Hills, so as I tried to edit myself mid-swear I would create decidedly uncurse words like, “BULLSHHH-eviks!” and ” SHHHHIII-iny buttons!!“ and of course the classic, “FUUUU-dge nuts!”
So this was when I stopped playing games while she was awake. Even though I don’t recall actually using the word fuck around her, having a toddler yelling “THIS IS MOTHER FUDGING BULSHEVIKS!” at bedtime wasn’t something I wanted on my hands.
Yesterday, I told Lily that she needed to finish up her snack.
“JESUS! I’m almost done, ” was her response.
I’m not even going to pretend that she doesn’t get that blasphemy from me, but I’ll take that over an FBomb.
