One morning a year or so ago, a large spider dropped down next to Lily while she was using her little potty and I was reminded that some things may be just a tad unnerving when coming out of a toddler’s mouth.
I don’t know if anyone else has Kamikaze Face Spider Season in their house or if it’s just an attic dweller’s thing like with the silverfish dragons, but it is ON here. I was alerted to the spider event by her wee voice yelling, “Kiw it, Mommy!! KIW IT!! KIIIW IIIT!!!” *
At that time she still pronounced “s” as “sh” which was adorable when she politely said, “I sho shorry” after accidentally dropping something, but not so much when she told you where she wants to sit. That one was especially fun when we were taking a walk and she loudly declared, ” I wanna shit. Shit please?”.
As her vocabulary increased, her personality points started to become more pronounced and Lily is very particular about things like affection, personal space, boundaries, and tolerance for your nonsense. She would come and sit on my lap, snuggling her body into mine and I’d instinctively go to wrap my arms around her but her hand would shove mine away.
“Don’t touchy me.”
I would wait a few seconds and try again with just one arm and she’d block it again, saying more firmly, “NO. DON’T TOUCHY ME!”
So I just sit there in this awkward one sided cuddle for a few minutes until she slips down and happily resumes playing. I think as far as she’s concerned I could be replaced with a pillowy automaton.
I should note that when she asks for something, and is denied that thing, she will ask a second time. Only the second time will be in a tiny demon voice. It’s grated, and low, but also screaming? She’s always smiling and may have a future in Metal.
Her latest favorite phrase is “How dare you!”. But she doesn’t use it in the right context so we’ll be reading a book and I’ll ask if she’s ready for her bath and she’ll say, “Yeah. How dare you!”.
However sometimes she uses it more appropriately. I ask if she wants noodles for dinner and I’m met with, “No! How DARE you?” How dare I indeed. Couple that one with her more sophisticated version of “Don’t you TOUCH me!” and it makes appointments with the pediatrician a lot of fun.
Then of course there’s the way she refers to food. Noodles are “nu nus“. That’s a normal one, she’s still figuring out how to form sounds and words and sound correctly, so it makes sense that she would refer to noodles as something that sounds similar until she can say it properly.
However, now I, an adult woman, also say it to other adult humans without a thought.
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“Mama’s toosh, Dadda’s toosh, Violet’s toosh, Nini’s toosh…” Lily sorted the chickpeas for several minutes.
She did not eat them because they are obviously tiny butts.
So chicpeas are now ‘butt peas”, regular peas are “apple beans”. Capers are “olive toots”.
This is now how I write these things on my grocery list.
She is training us well.
* I rarely actually kill spiders so I’m not sure where this enthusiasm for murder is coming from
