Humility.
Meet the Teacher Day at the school means I get to interact with those well put together moms who obviously get close to a full night’s sleep often or at least are tolerant enough of caffeine to allow them to fake it; their clothes don’t smell like anything their children ate and they speak in full, articulate sentences. Even their kids seem freshly bathed- scarcely a hair out of place. They are probably wearing matching socks and everything.
Last year I hadn’t showered in 3 days and right before we got to Violet’s new classroom, I realized her dress was on inside out and that I had forgotten to change Lily’s diaper before leaving the house.
But it’s better that way, i think. Let the new teacher know right at the beginning that we’re a mess.
Guidance.
“Someone was mean to me today at school.”
This is something that breaks my heart a little every time i hear it, even though it’s just a normal thing kids go through growing up, as a parent you just want to protect your child in all ways. But I do try my best to give her some wise words of guidance so that she will hopefully remember when she needs to and be able to handle bullying with grace and even a little empathy.
I went to college for early childhood education and took a lot of classes focused on the development and psychology of children from birth through 4 years old. I suspected at the time that if nothing else, the knowledge I accumulated in this area would be useful for when I had my own children, and I was right. But Violet is now outside of that age range and I feel like I’m flailing when it comes to really teaching her things that matter. I’m taken off guard because she seems to be giving me some teenage level attitude and that angst is already *really* coming along nicely.
So I just try and focus on instilling things in her that will make her into a decent person, like appreciating what you have and sharing, and utilizing kindness and patience with people who are being assholes until you can figure out, then exploit, their weaknesses. It’s hard because I can only do so much and I won’t really know what’s going to stick.
It’s also exhausting having to edit what I say for the kids.
Every time Violet comes home and tells me something along the lines of, “So and So called me stupid and ugly and said you and daddy were were stupid and tried to get everyone else to say that I was stupid” it’s really hard to not just be like, “Well honey, it sounds like So and So’s a real asshole.” *sips tea*
Restraint
Some parenting muscles you don’t have to flex that often, but they are still so important in helping to successfully navigate your children through societal norms. I had an exercise in checking my maternal rage when Violet came home with a large circular scrape on her abdomen and small, deeper ones on her hip because she said a boy knocked her to the ground, dragged her, and tried to look at her underwear.
Now.
I did NOT do any of the crazy lady things my first instincts really wanted me to do, instead after taking pictures, I wrote and rewrote a message to to the teacher about 10 times until I was reasonably certain I wasn’t coming off as hysterical or accusatory. The Dean of Students called me, had already talked to the boy and would be talking to Violet the next day so he could get a complete picture of what happened.
I did NOT ask if he was implying that this was in any way Violet’s fault, nor did I demand to know what disciplinary action would be IMMEDIATELY taken against this boy. Instead I thanked him for his attention to the matter.
Because I am an adult and this is me adulting hard.
It all worked out, the boy’s father was very apologetic and it never happened again.
I admit there was this moment where I swore to all the gods that if this kid put his hands on my child like this again, I would storm the gates and put such a deep, life altering fear in his little heart that he will not ever be able to look my daughter’s way way again without wetting himself in terror. But it was only a moment.
A long moment.
