..toddlers are actually goblins in human skin and still haven’t completely shed their goblin ways, hence their penchant for causing chaos, inciting madness, and their unquenchable thirst for any sort of attention.
Bedtime Story
Nightmare Monkey is an unstoppable force.
Share Me!
The Peril of Nice Things
I had her foot raised up and a washcloth pressed to it and she was screaming that she was going to die and I was screaming IN A CALMING MANNER that she was not going to die
Share Me!
The Best At Bread
Step 11: The bread will not stop rising. Panic.
Share Me!
Shopping: Tantrums In Store
..you generally can’t just leave the store when you have a cart full of groceries that you need to buy. Leaving the child screaming and kicking on the floor while you pretend you don’t know them is frowned upon.
Share Me!
Songs Of November
Mark drank heavily that night.
Share Me!
Far from Pinterest
….basically if I did not actually have children at all, I would probably be just fantastic at making things for them.
Share Me!
Lessons
…there was this moment where I swore to all the gods that if this kid put his hands on my child like this again, I would storm the gates and put such a deep, life altering fear in his little heart that he will not ever be able to look my daughter’s way way again without wetting himself in terror.
Share Me!
Captain’s Log: Battle for the Cuisinart (The Cockroach War 2)
It was lightning quick diving back behind the stove, which I am convinced if we were to pull out would just be a wall teeming with mice and every breed of cockroach in some unholy, skittering orgy of filth and symbiosis.
Share Me!
Sister Smiles
Apparently she needs to learn the subtle distinction between lighthearted fun and total menace.
