Wednesday, Lily’s head hurt to move.
The scratchy throat was still there, and a fever. There was concern that it could be meningitis, so it was nice that it turned out to be strep throat again. Or still? Anyway, obviously I had to keep her home until she wasn’t contagious anymore, but she was so upset about not going to school because she is so proud to be “a very good student.”
I’ve probably mentioned that Mark, once the slow summer tourist season is done, works a lot. He pulls 60- 80 hours a week with stretches of no days off between them. While I am not a member of the paid work force these days, I often think of how things would go if I were and I imagine it would be a lot of my getting fired over calling in all the time.
Since school began, Lily has collectively missed an entire week and Violet has missed two days and this is one of the main reasons primary caregivers of small children can be unreliable employees. Not all of them of course, but the ones who don’t have family, a nanny, or other form of child care available whenever their children get sick? That person is going to be calling in a bunch. Unless they do that thing where they just send their obviously sick kid in to school anyway to infect others.
So Lily was upset to be home, and Violet was upset at school because she had to deal with some real assholes in her class that day. I know, I know. You shouldn’t call kids names. However I think by now the 10-12 year olds are very aware what they are doing when they get together and pick someone who isn’t doing a thing to them, who is sitting there just trying to get through their day, apart. And when they seem to enjoy how upset they can make someone, when they laugh because they made that person cry, those kids are assholes -and that’s being kind.
The next day Lily was still quarantined. A girl from another class snuck behind Violet at recess and slapped her across the face. I’m told there were “severe consequences” for this girl when the school called to let me know that it had been taken seriously.
You know, I generally try not to think about how other parents raise their kids, but in cases like this I can’t help but wonder what went into making a girl that would do something like that. Same with the Assholes. Maybe I should try to be sympathetic, but for now nothing seems a greater indication of failed parenting then your kid turning out to be bully.
While I have this SAHM guilt sometimes, I also have the SAHM privilege of imagining that if this continues to be issue, I will pull her out of school so fucking fast…
Because what bothered me most is how unbothered Violet was. Her telling me that a girl hit her was almost as an afterthought on the way home. I was the one who had to try and remain calm when asking her about what had happened. She said that she’s just used to kids not being nice to her and that she isn’t well liked.
And my heart broke.
She does have friends, and I reminded her of this; that she was having a bad week and it just felt like she didn’t. Though honestly? When she tells me about how some of these friends treat her….they do seem like pretty shitty friends.
We talked a lot about how she was feeling, among other things. I made sure she knew I was listening and that I would always listen. Then….I gave her more books to take to recess. Books for reading and books for drawing. I’m sorry that I can’t be the one to teach her about making good friends- the few I’ve managed to find for myself were by accident. But, I can help her grow her inner world for when the one around you is awful. It’s the one skill I have that I’m confident will be useful her whole life because it’s the one that got me through mine.
This year, I’m going to have to be extra vigilant about Violet’s emotional health and Lily’s physical health.
It is barely even September.
