Violet lost her mind over this fresh baked bread I made. She and her sister would probably finish off an entire loaf in one sitting if I let them, which is pretty amazing considering how picky at least half of them are at any given time.
It would be wrong of me to keep this recipe to myself during this, The Giving Season.
I hope you’ll follow these simple instructions to making the Best Bread in All The Land for your loved ones.
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Step 1: Buy frozen bread from the store. I got a three pack. i’d mention the brand, but the freezer is all the way over there—— >
Step 2: Read the instructions while your toddler is literally trying to climb you like a tree.
Step 3: Place a frozen loaf in a greased bread pan in the fridge. Cover it with a damp paper towel- not because the instructions calls for that, but because you vaguely remember your mother/someone on tv doing something like that when you were a hungry child.
Step 4: Check the bread the next day and see that it is thawed, but not risen Actually say, “Huh.” and close the refrigerator door.
Step 5: Do not think of the bread again for 24 hours.
Step 6: Rediscover the bread while looking for your child’s half eaten yogurt and notice it still hasn’t risen.
Step 7: Consult Google.
Step 8: Because Google is only providing solutions for people who are “actually” making bread and not inexplicably lost by the like three methods listed on the packaging to prepare the frozen kind, remove the bread and set it on the counter instead of sticking in the oven and just seeing what happens.
Step 9; Do not think of bread again until you recover it while attempting to find the counter again under all the dirty dishes that have happened in the last 4 hours.
Step 10: Notice the bread is risen. Rejoice.
Step 11: The bread will not stop rising. Panic.
Step 12: Go to quickly remove the paper towel and see that it has fused with the risen dough.
Step 13: Attempt to cut paper towel off of dough with scissors before just giving up and leaving bits of it there. “For texture.”
Step 14: Bake at 375 for 25 minutes.
Step 15: The bread comes right out of the pan and is completely and evenly golden brown and perfect.
Step 16: Repeatedly force family members to smell and touch your bread. Be vaguely offended by your husband’s lack of enthusiasm and delighted by your daughter’s. When the time comes, she will be one of the chosen.
Step 17: Send photos of bread to loved ones like a normal person.
Step 18: Enjoy your bread. You are the best bread maker now.
This haunts me.
Ahhhh… No! I have held off reading this post until I had time to actually plan on making the best bread ever, and it is the frozen bread from the store? Now understand I do not have a problem with the 3 frozen loaves, I used them all the time, the problem is they are not available in Texas, at least where I am, so I was actually hoping for a really good recipe and I have been deceived by your click bait… Oh well, if you find a good recipe for fresh bread, please share that as well.
Haha- well I’m sorry to have thwarted your bread making plans, but seeing how well I do with supposedly simple frozen dough, for the safety of my family, I don’t think I’ll be attempting any from scratch anytime soon. I actually used to bake cookies and cakes and things, but this year I’ve been slacking, so maybe I’ll start again and add a recipe section to this thing. If you really want to try a bread recipe, this has been on my waiting list for like a year now: https://www.spendwithpennies.com/cloud-bread/