If we actually watched television like our ancestors, the kids would face a daily onslaught of toy commercials, which is why if you’re going to do TV, then canned TV like Netflix is worth every cent.
One year I asked Violet what she wanted for xmas. She had trouble even thinking of something to ask for “Ummm…a…cat? Doll? A cat doll?” And so a handmade cat doll was hunted down and gifted to her. She was delighted with it.
No one else had a cat doll.
In the last couple of years, both girls have started watching these bizarre videos of adult hands opening up children’s toys while shrill and jarring voices describe each of them. At times, the videos are of The Hands playing with the already opened dolls, talking and yelling to each other with the squeaky sing-song voices voices that have been assigned to them by The Hand’s owners, and I just want to kill myself.
Sometimes I wonder about the (very rich) people who make those videos. I imagine that they actually have children who sit outside of the designated recording studio room with ears pressed to the door, listening as their parents film themselves opening and playing with all these trendy, fun toys. The children are forbidden to touch the toys; the parents horde them like dragons. Only wooden educational toys for the Youtuber’s children. And cat dolls.
But I digress.
These videos are are basically 30 minute commercials with a side of toy review. A popular star of these videos this year toy are these little baby dolls that come in balls wrapped in many layers of plastic. As you unwrap each layer a tiny accessory item is revealed: shoes, a pair of sunglasses, a smartphone, thigh-high boots, maybe a flask and an E-cigarette and some pills. (I made up the last few, and only the last few) Did I mention that these are the latest incarnation of Bratz dolls?
And the girls are crazy for them. Lily has one. Both girls got to pick a toy from Target last year and that’s what she choose. It was about ten dollars. The madness hadn’t started yet.
This holiday the dolls were one of two things they asked for and I did look for them, but I foolishly waited until we had money to spend on gift requests to begin this Odyssey and they were gone. You couldn’t find them in stores and the ones online were selling for 6x their normal price-and this was in October.
Thankfully, I always check the reviews because there are even a ton of knock offs of these things. I’ve gotten them off brand Pokemon items before because they can’t tell the difference between the $8 stuffed Pikachu and the $30 one, but because of those videos they would easily spot a fake doll.
I was thinking that after the holidays they would get easier to find and it looked like they might be. I found some on Ebay with high rated sellers, but I was still cautious. I found a pair of them for $23 and put them on my watch list. The next day I checked back and laughed and laughed….
Buying gifts for the girls is stressful when you overthink things at the level I do. For example, Lily asks for the same toys Violet already has. The exact same ones. Do I indulge that request, or get her something else I think she’ll like so that she can cultivate her own separate interests? Do I compromise and get her the same type of toy, but a different variety?
Her birthday is soon and I know she’ll like whatever she gets, but my goal is to make her jump up and down while emitting that ear splitting, velociraptor- like shriek of happiness. At a certain age, I think that level of sheer joy becomes unattainable. She doesn’t ask for the moon (which is comparatively simple to buy) she just wants a ten dollar baby prostitute doll and some big eyed, microscopic plastic animals, so I try.
If I can’t find what I know she will like, I’ve got other quality ideas to fall back on…
